Confession Tuesday

From the Roadside Shrine. Union, WA


Dear Reader, I have a lot to confess, I've indulged, I've had guilt, I've experienced the first pang of fall anxiety, met a madman, and still, good news arrived yesterday.


Let's begin. To the Confessional--

On Friday I had this weird feeling I get in the fall about staying close to home. It's a feeling I don't like to get because I can easily become a hermit/loner/life-frightens-me-gal if I allow myself. Of course, this mainly happens in the fall when the weather/season begins to change.

Strangely, that Friday night my daughter broke her collarbone. Just roughhousing with friends with an already hurt collarbone from a playground collision earlier in the week. And the guilt comes in with that we didn't realize it was broken until Monday.

*

I confess during a mountain biking adventure, my friend and I accidential ended up in some scary man's backyard. He was quick to come out of his shack (older man with a black leather vest, jeans, white t-shirt) and try to intimidate us (i.e. stand in our way of leaving) with his (said with a downhome accident) "I just wanted to see who was on my property, and what's your names..."

And "You girls shouldn't be out here and if you ever need to cut across my property again, you need to knock on the door because I wouldn't want to accidentally shoot you..." (then a list of all the guns he keeps in his home). My response, "Ya, it would pretty much ruin a day of mountain biking to 'accidentally' shot." That made him give a slight smile and move out of our way so we could get back to the road.

I also asked him his names while we were leaving. "Stokes, S-T-O-K-E-S," he said. I just wanted to get that documented here...just in case. ;-)

*

While I love living in a small rural community, I have to remind myself while a lot of us are "New Small Towners" (meaning, we were all city folks who escaped Seattle or the suburbs to live here and have similar values) there are a lot of old town boys who love their guns and their right to shoot 'em. I've realized lately that I am more afraid of the hunters (and crazyfolks with guns) around here when I mountain bike than I am of the black bear, cougar, and random deer jumping in front of me.

Old town meet new town. Let's try to get along and not accidentally get shot.

*

But I confess, I also have good news. The ying and yang of life. I learned yesterday that I will be spending a week at the wonderful Hedgebrook with two other favorite poets and Carolyn Forche.

I promise to take some notes and photos. And I promise and commit to doing a lot of good writing and work while I am there.

*


Other short confessions--

I confess I am beginning to resent email because I haven't been able to keep up with it.

I confess I do love fall as much as it sometimes makes me sad.

I confess I went to to Facebook recently, but am spending a lot less time there.

I confess I try to remain hopeful, but sometimes I am cloudy day.

I confess there is a lot of good in the world, you just have to look for it sometimes.

I confess I get concerned when really good news and really bad news happens at once. It can completely freak me out.

I confess I am hooked on Wasabi peas and berry trail mix.

I confess I ate a half of jar of Wasabi peas yesterday because I had nervous energy after learning my daughter broke her collarbone.

I confess I felt better by the evening, but went to bed early.

I confess I've been sleeping for over 9 hours each night.

I confess I feel better when the house is clean and not cluttered.

I confess I feel as if I'm spinning my wheels a lot lately.

I confess I try to replace fear with faith.

I confess gratitude also helps.

I confess that sometimes confessing makes me feel better.


Thanks for listening.

Amen.