Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Confession Tuesday - The Television Edition



Dear Reader,

It's been a week of catching up since I last wrote.  A week of starting my Christmas cards, which has led me to turn on the big box in my house that magically dances with images.  You may know this as your television set, but to me, it's a new-fangled contraption with bells and whistles, and the ability to stop time.

Basically, we have cable again, let me explain...
To the confessional--

I confess a few weeks ago we dropped our landline and got cable.

This sounds bizarre, but because we ended up "bundling" with one company, it was actually $80 less a month and took our basic cable (which was just regular TV plus Hallmark & Discovery Channel) to 210 channels.  (I had no freakin' idea there were so many cable channels out there.  I know, I live under rock, that is both my blessing and quirk.)

We now pay $64 a month for high speed internet, cable, and a landline you can call into but we can't call out (We've become kind of like the phone version of the Hotel California).  

And while I know my landline is pretty much the way it was in the 1970's (minus the fact I can only use it to call 911), I hate answering it without the Caller-ID feature.  It's as if I'm playing Russian Roulette with my time-- will it be a telemarketer? a friend? my crazy aunt?

I know for years I answered the phone happily without knowing who was calling.  Now, I live in fear that I will answer it and it will not be the new car, but I will have chosen Door #3 and it's the goat pulling the wagon.

~

I confess that while I haven't watched a lot of television since getting cable (honestly, I can't find anything as shows are numbered into the hundreds and I don't have any channels memorized yet), I started watching 2 shows while doing Christmas cards that I was a little entranced by-- Storage Wars and Pawn Stars.

It's as if they've taken my favorite show (Antique Roadshow) and added treasure hunting.  (And if you happen to be the other person watching this show, my favorite person on Storage Wars is Barry, the older guy who dresses like a hipster.)   Who knew this existed? (Okay, probably a few million people, but I live under a rock, remember.)

~

I confess while we technically *have* cable, I have blocked a lot of channels.

My daughter (whose 11 and in middle school said) while looking over the cable channel guide asked, "Mom, what's MTV?"   What can I say?  We've only had cable 2 years when she was 6, it was blocked then too.

I confess I've also blocked CNN and all the news channels too. Um, except the one with Rachel Maddow on it.  Because I love Rachel Maddow.

With all my blocking, I think we ended up with about 38-45 channels out of our 210-- but they are good ones.

~

I confess while I love Rachel Maddow, she is not the top of my crush list as that spot has been reserved for Conan O'Brien for something like the last 8 years.

~

I confess this cable deal came with a DVR box (it's like a VCR without the tapes).  I'm sure you all knew these existed, but I had no idea.  AND I can pause a television show while watching it and if someone talked in the middle of something I can rewind it.  How weird is that?

I'm guessing many of you have had this feature for years and do not find it fascinating, but I am amazed by it.  We pause the television show.  It freaks me out.  I feel like a small television producer god in my home.  Pause the CBS Sunday Morning Show while I make waffles... can you rewind to the penguins again?   


~

I confess the very best part of all of this is that I went through and taped all the Christmas shows on ABC (Charlie Brown, Rudolph, The Year Without a Santa Claus) and know in my heart, I will *never* miss "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" while we have this device.


Amen.



Share

5 comments:

Michael said...

Kelli - I never encourage poets to write other things because, well isn't that like cheating on poetry? But that aside, please write a menmoir!!! You crack me up when you wrie about the most normal everyday stuff.

Allyson said...

Slightly off-topic, but I'm too excited not to share this. The Kenyon Review newsletter arrived in my inbox this morning, and it's their annual list of holiday reading recommendations. Letters from the Emily Dickinson Room is there! I just wanted to let you know.

Have a great day!

Martha Silano said...

I second the plea for you to write a memoir, Kelli. You do prose so well!

We gave up our cable in April and have not looked back for a nanosecond. Soon you will have all 210 channels blocked; mark my words -- or, as I like to say to my husband: "800 channels, and nothing worth watching!"

Except maybe Storage Wars, or so it sounds.

MTV. Imagine not knowing what that is. Priceless.

Martha Silano said...

Allyson: Whew-eee! Guess who put it there?

Collin Kelley said...

I got rid of my land line a couple of years ago and I'm getting ready to switch to just basic cable. I'm watching most of my TV (very little) either online or on my Kindle Fire. I've never owned a DVR and I don't have any desire for one. You can catch up with most shows online, so that works for me.

Yes, please write a memoir. :)

Related Posts with Thumbnails