Confession Tuesday

I thought this week I'd confess a little bit about what worries me or maybe worries in general as it's something in my personality I've struggled with all my life.


To the confessional--

In 6th grade, I won the Worrywart Funny Trophy in my drill team-- 6th grade. Even back then, I could imagine the worst situations and how much I carried around on my shoulders.

So I'm forty now and 29 years have passed since I "won" that trophy. I'm getting better with my worries, but there are still a few that come up.

For example, I have not been on a plane since 1999. I have always hated flying. Wait, I like flying, I don't like being on a plane.

I have flown many times (the longest plane ride being Paris and across the Pacific a few times to Hawaii), but I always dread it. And not the actually plane ride, I'm fine during the flight and usually sleep (without drugs or alcohol needed), but up until the flight, I am a nervous wreck despite knowing that my odds of dying in a car accident on the way to the airport is greater than on the flight. Still....

Because it's been so long since I've flown I've needed to find a reason to, so when a friend asked me if I'd be on their panel at AWP in Colorado next year, I said yes. And if it's accepted, I will board a plane, wearing my St. Christopher medal, but I will fly to Denver.

I think I am getting better in not worrying because as I've gotten older I've realized I cannot guess the next tragedy or what will happen next. My mum (also a worrier) has told me when I've told her my worries, "And if that happens, then you'll deal with it then" and it's something I return to.

I think women worry more than men. And I think one parent worries more than the other and even more than others because there is this separate individual being you are responsible and now, there is so much pressure on parents to be not just the parent, but the policeman, the dietician, the doctor, the educator, etc. etc.

Growing up in my family, I was considered a success for staying in high school, not becoming pregnant and not dying. After 5 girls, the standards were pretty low when they got to me. But I think today, parents are judged on much higher scale.

I recently saw on Facebook a friend had written on her status "My daughter said she has never had a PopTart, does that make me a good mom or a bad mom?" (Many responded GOOD!) In what crazy world does giving your child a PopTart make someone a bad mom? I spent my teenager years having PopTarts, Choco-bliss and Coca-cola for lunch and no one ever thought my mum was doing a bad job (not that she was feeding this to me, I was a regular at the school store.)

But it worries me more than I'd like to admit about being a parent and "how well" I'm doing. I worry that I'm screwing up or forgetting something terribly important (OMG, she never learned the alphabet!) I guess in the end we can only try our best and when we know better do that. And also keep our fingers crossed.

I guess this is life, isn't it. Try our best and keep our fingers crossed. Kids or no kids. We just need to take it day by day and see what happens, fingered crossed.