Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Confession Tuesday

Magnolias in bloom: Small Town, WA


I am full of thoughts --hodgepodge, overload, heavysteps--so the confessional doors at busting open. No intro, no welcome, I am falling head over untied shoes into the confessional and beginning... Hold on to your virtual rosaries, it's been a wild week--


To the confessional--

I confess I have been going to bed with a full mind. Sort of like an overstuffed purse that is dropping receipts and tissue as you walk. I am messy and spilling over. I am a full tree of magnolia blooms, opening, opening, opening.

At night when I fall into bed, I am like a cat whose fur is full of static. I may be resting, but there is so much energy going on.

In fact, I've been having my anxiety dreams, dreams where I have lost 1) my wedding ring 2) my iPhone or I have 1) forgotten to take some important medicine I need to survive (note: I do not take any medicine except allergy medicine in the spring, so this is a dream-created medicine I am afraid I'm missing), 2) I have forgotten to give someone medicine, 3) I have forgotten I have pets and realize I have not fed them for months 4) I have forgotten that I have a bird that I keep in my armoire (um, I do not own a bird).

Can you see a theme?

I have had these anxiety dreams since I was 24. They vary, they come and go, but they have never completely left.

~

My friend A. has returned from a week long retreat and still has Retreat Brain (that special quiet and calmness you get from being cut off from the world for a week). She says she is losing it, not her mind, but that retreat feeling. I yearn for that quiet when my mind has its volume on high.

~

I confess last night I found myself reading the local news and regretting it.

Before I went to Hedgebrook I was an NPR junkie, but I confess, I haven't been listening to it during the day, only the shows I love that are not overly-news filled. I hate to say it, but it was just bringing me down. I constantly look for that balance of being informed, but not being overwhelmed.

Sometimes I lean towards becoming the ostrich with my head in the sand.
Sometimes you (I) need to be the ostrich.

~

I confess I cut my hair with orange craft scissors. And I do this all the time.
If I had a motto shirt it could read: Hair by Impatience.

~

Someone said to me recently, "You have great skin." I confess that is not complete. What they said was, "You have great skin for someone in their forties..." (I'm 41.) Still, it was a compliment with a bite of venom for fun.

But I will tell you my skincare secret (shhhhhh).... Ivory soap and Lubriderm (unscented for normal to dry skin). I have been using both of these since I was in my 20's.

Though I have recently purchased Olay (aka Oil of Old Lady) Skin foam (Olay Total Effects Cream Cleanser, 6.5-Ounces (Pack of 2) to use at night because my skin has been dry this winter.

~

Because I wasn't a cute or pretty child, getting older hasn't been a big deal to me because I think I'm actually getting better looking (really, I might not be, but I like myself more and I think that's the most important kind of beauty). When you're not pretty as a child, you have nothing to lose as you age. I had no idea how much of a benefit this would be for me.


Plus, I think attitude and intellect (aka brain power) portray beauty more than good skin and a hot bod.

~

Amen.

8 comments:

Lisa said...

Where to start?!

YES - ME TOO! I don't know if it is Spring jitters or the energy swirling around of all the creative minds emerging but sleep does not come easily now. A nervous energy, wanting to do more...

I do hope those anxiety dreams are not getting down to your soul - that at least the deep part of you remains calm - and that the surface returns to a gentle roll soon enough.

I am celebrating aging with fervency -- I admit I'm in my 30's (old or young, depending on who I'm talking to), but I ADORE the wisdom and beauty I see in women twice my age. I'm giddy to travel the path (consciously) that will lead me to that same place.

Here's to aging with VIGOR - whatever we may use to keep our skin springy with us! (Thanks for the recommendation...I'm using the Oil of Old Lady too.) ;)

Doreen McGettigan said...

I too must confess I have been having anxiety dreams for the past two weeks..my head is full of everything..I am finishing my first book and I am terrified and excited at the same time..I find myself writing until 3 or 4 in the morning..and as awful as this sounds I did forget to feed my dogs yesterday..fed them at 4am and they well; they just looked at me like I was crazy..maybe I didn't forget to feed them...

January said...

I was listening to the Dr. Oz radio show and he said that the best way to prevent aging is to drink plenty of water, eat well, and exercise. We have to trick our bodies into believing we are younger even though our heads know it. Exercise is the best anti-aging product around.

It probably helps with anxiety, too.

Jessie Carty said...

seems like everyone i talk to has been having crazy dreams lately! hope they calm down for you :)

Terri Smith said...

Oh Kelli..this post was fabulously written. Of course I can sure crawl into the fire with you because it's been that kind of dream-week around here too. Does it help to know you're not alone?

Blessings, Joy and Sunshine, Terri

Kells said...

Lisa- I love what you wrote. Thank you. And no, they aren't getting down into my soul, underneath the frazzled nerves is a calm heart. ;-)

Doreen- Congrats on finishing your first book! And I love that you are writing until 3 or 4 in the morning-love that dedication.

January--I completely agree. When I'm not doing yoga and not eating well, I feel very frazzled. Thanks for the reminder. I've been drinking my water!

Jessie-- thanks. I think they most have. Nights are a crazy time for my mind. I tend to remember much of what I dream and do have the occasional "night fright" which involves me jumping out of bed and searching for something I think I've lost (oh the fun times in my house...) ;-)

Terri--Thank you, yes, it does help! I appreciate your note.

I appreciate all your notes. Thanks!

Valerie Loveland said...

My sister, who works in a hospital asks all the women who's skin looks good for their age what lotion they use, and she said they all use Oil of Olay.

Kells said...

Valerie - Good to know!

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