Forgive me Reader, blah blah sin, blah blah good girl, blah blah forgive, forget, forgotten, blah, blah, when you call my name it's a like a little prayer, I'm down on my knees, I want to take you there... Wait, where am I? Blah blah let's begin--
1) I have 7 unread Facebook messages. This is similar to me having 6 unlistened to cellphone messages, and 3 unread emails. Forgive me reader, I missed you and time is a slippery cat running from the bathtub. I will read them and listen to them, but I'm slothlike sometimes (but I am thinking of you). I am more slothlike in April as it seems all I do is trot around in my bedroom slippers from poem to unwritten poem.
2) My 7 year old boy sense of humor (as well as my gift to laugh at inappropriate times) kicked in yesterday at a poetry reading. The poet was reading something about an abstract painting and instead of saying, "I looked in and saw her beauty," he read, "I looked in and saw her booty," to which my mind immediately said, "Really?" And I burst inside with laughter. He tried to correct booty to beauty, but it had already been said (I laughed again as I typed this.) Since it was a casual gathering many others (who must also have a 7 year old boy sense of humor) giggled as well and the friend next to me said, "I like his Freudian slip better." Overall, it was one of my favorite moments of the reading.
3) The poetry reading I went to was a local annual event held at a favorite Mexican restaurant. They had made a DVD of some of the favorite moments over the last 20 some years and I learned that not only was I in the movie, but my daughter was as well at 7 months old. I had forgotten I had brought her to the reading and held her while I read. (How had I forgotten that?!)
Watching the clip of her at 7 months while I read poetry holding her both warms my heart, but also makes me ache for days that have passed. I feel that much of life these days is in a constant struggle with moving forward and wanting to swandive into the past eight years and soak it up. It made me slow down and look at what I have around me and say thanks. I confess I fall in love with moments that I know will never come again. I confess I fall hard, and fall often.
4) Last night I wore a football jersey from my high school to bed. It somehow got tucked into my armoire with my pjs and camisoles. It wasn't an old boyfriend's or even belonged to anyone I knew, it was just something I grabbed from a box of extras when I learned in my junior year that they were closing my high school. It's just something I never bothered to throw out.
I don't really know how 21 years have gone by since my HS graduation or how the fine lines have gradually become part of my eyes, or why lately the past has seemed to be dropping itself on my doorstep and ringing the bell. Maybe there are times when our minds may need to try to remember. Maybe there are times our minds just needs to try to forget.
5) I amaze myself with my mistakes (my favorite mistakes) and how with every day I continue to learn something new. I remember this line from (of all places) Pretty Woman-- Edward Lewis: It's just that, uh, very few people surprise me. Vivian: Yeah, well, you're lucky. Most of 'em shock the hell outta me. --
As a child, I always thought adults had it all figured out. Who would have thought everyone's as screwed up as everyone else? I think it's just that some hide it better. Who knew.