Confession Tuesday

Rain God Tláloc


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Dear Reader, it's been a week of wet weather since I've last written. While part of the country heats up, cooks eggs on the sidewalk, we in the Northwest must have been raindancing because our June is liquid sunshine. Reader, I'm wearing wool, it's June 10th and it's 46 degrees out and pouring. Let me confess as a native Northwest girl, this is not cool anymore.


Now, to the real thoughts--

I am so ready for summer to begin and to put away my laptop. So ready. Though there is this thing about email that gets to me, I hate it piling up. So I'll have to check it, but not as much. Definitely not as much. If you need to reach me, call me or snail me. I love receiving letters by post.


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My 2nd manuscript-- Reader, what can I tell you? I've finished my second mss, but sometimes (recently) doubt it. I think it's because second manuscript and I have been spending so much time together. I'm admiring second manuscript's eyes, but worrying maybe they aren't as fine as I think, maybe they boring, poorly-written eyes.

Second manuscript tells me she's a hardworker, but I ask her if she can work harder. I ask her if she's really doing all she can do or if she's talking about her father just to be difficult. Second manuscript is telling me that sometimes I put her in outfits she's not comfortable with. She says sometimes I make her into something she doesn't want to be. I'm sorry second manuscript, I forget who you are sometimes. I'll try to be better.


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I never skip breakfast. Ever.


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I saw 2 movies this week. PS I Love You (DVD) and in the theatres Indiana Jones. Watching Indiana Jones was like returning to the 80's with that orchestra music in the background secretly adding the I.J. theme song into the scene. I must say, I love big movies like that with their thickness, their old-school lines that no one would ever say, their deep sounds of the orchestra and stunts. It makes a movie like 27 Weddings, which just kept me entertained enough not to turn off the TV, feel like slipping into a thin shawl instead of the big leather bomber jacket I bought on a whim after watching Top Gun.

Oh and PS I Love You? Fantastic. I love death movies that are funny. And I learned it was originally written by a 21 year old women from Ireland at 10 pm until 6 in the morning. Love that.

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I think I have one more confession coming until I begin my summer of sin. Okay, it's totally not going to be a summer of sin, it will just be a summer of totally.

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I still have to blog about a suggested blog on John Ashberry. I'm not really an Ashberry fan, but I like this last name. But think it fits a man more than a woman.

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If I chose my own last name it would be Springsteen, Costello, Madrid, or something with an O'. Like O'Malley, but not O'Malley. Something you'd name a bar after.


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I have no poetry news in the last month or so. I haven't been submitting much. Mostly I've been working on my manuscript and I put a chapbook together as well, which I've sent out to one place.

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I confess I haven't done a gratitude list in a while, but it's not because I'm not grateful. I realize that in certain ways, I live a few different ways-- one is just skimming the surface, not really connecting and sort of above the life's energy (doing a lot, but not doing much). The other, which is my preferred way of living is to be part of the energy, to feel connected and part of life and it's synchronicity. I

It's sort of life watching the people in the water from the beach. You see them, they see you, but I'm not really part of things. Lately, it feels as if I'm moving closer to the water, I'm wading around the edges wondering how to dive in.

I think it's time for me to return to the Artist Way and reconnect with the world. Gratitude is one part. Just paying attention is another.

I think I have a little tunnel vision. I think I have a lot of tunnel vision. There's a part of me that hopes there's a good friend will run by me and grab my hand to pull me back into things. There's another part that knows I just need to take that first step.

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Reader, you probably just read that and thought, WTF? What is she talking about? I have a noisy head and this is what it's thinking about. I think I need an artist date.