Oscars -or Let's Give Outrageously Expensive Gift Bags for Rich People

The Academy Awards are on tonight. Do you care? Will you watch?

I'm kind of out of it this year as I've only seen Little Miss Sunshine and loved it, so I'm backing that film. I think any movie that has a remix of Rick James' Superfreak in it should win something.

What I like about the Oscars--
Seeing what everyone is wearing on the red carpet. It's shallow, but true.

Ellen as host. She's funny, female, and friendly.

When someone who was unknown a year before wins and then says something poignant.

When someone stumbles up the stairs sincerely surprised and muddles something incoherent into the microphone, cries, or says anything that isn't scripted.

People who bring their own props--every Oscar show needs a brie of Frenchmen with stuffed penguins.

Anything political, like Susan Sarandon flashing the peace sign, or anything that makes the band start playing early or gets you kicked out off the stage. Winners--you're in touch with millions and millions of people at that moment, don't go limp.

What I don't like--
The red carpet interviews. It reminds me of the AWP where people talk to you, but are looking over your shoulder the whole time for someone *better* to talk to.

The question, "Who are you wearing?" It's not Silence of the Lambs, they aren't decked out in someone else's skin, get the question right.

Constant references and close-ups of Jack Nicholson. He reminds me of my creepy uncle who was always saying something obscene.

The people who say they didn't think they were going to win then pull out a speech or list of people to thank. Honestly, if you really didn't think you were going to win, you wouldn't have written that out. Believe me.

Winners who thank the people they *think* could help them in the future instead of thanking their old friends, family, their grandmother who told them at age five, "You can be a star."