Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Confession Tuesday

It feels as if it's been a week plus forever since I've confessed. I have a sick daughter, so a quick confession and back to snuggling with her so she can get better...

To the confessional!

I confess I am thankful to the poets and people who read my blog. Last week I felt a little vulnerable sharing how my book became published and the details, but the response was so warm, I really appreciate it. Thank you for the comments, the personal emails and the FB messages.

What it tells me is that people (like in life) might not share the full info on publishing. I think it can be hard to share our rejections or our hard journeys sometimes.

It kind of reminds me of the moms who pretend their marriage is perfect, their kids don't eat junk food or watch TV, and all is always well. I'm always interested when I meet someone who seems perfect and tells me she's perfect only to get a glimpse into her real life (which is never perfect) and sometimes completely different than the facade she has created.

I don't blame her or the writers who don't want to tell the whole truth because it's a protection mechanism. We don't want to be hurt or we don't want to be vulnerable.

But I think honesty is important.

Last year during a creativity class I had to write a life motto. Mine was really long at first, it included supporting my family, friends and myself with their passions, yadda yadda yadda. It was so long, I could never remember it and that was part of the assignment, to write a motto (or life mission) and remember it! In the end mine was this, "To live authentically with faith." Really, that's what it comes down to.

Also, the older I get the more I realize it's not my business what other people think of me.

* * *

I confess I didn't mean for that confession to be so long. I just wanted to say thank you for your kind words, support, and responses to my blog posts last week. Thank you.

* * *

I confess having a sick child puts the entire world into perspective. It makes you remember what's important.

It makes me remember the words from Fight Club...

"You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your f'ng khakis." (Though he doesn't say "effing" in the book, that wouldn't make sense.)

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I confess I love the book Fight Club as well as the movie.

I also confess I went to one of the very first readings with the author Chuck Palahniuk in Seattle and only 5 people showed up to the University Village Barnes & Noble to hear him read. My husband and I were 2 of them and 3 others were his friends.

At the time he said, "And I hear it *may* get made into a movie with Brad Pitt."

* * *

I confess I just bought Sharon Bryan's new book of poems, SHARP STARS but haven't read it yet. It's gorgeous though. More on that soon.


* * *

I confess I spent the last 3 days mostly in PJs and it's felt really good.



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6 comments:

January said...

Hope your daughter feels better soon.

Your posts on publishing the second manuscript were terrific. So inspiring to watch you make this journey.

And as you know, your lines from "Fight Club" inspired me writing a poem that has become one of my favorites.

"To live authentically with faith." I'm trying. Every day.

Jessie Carty said...

Hope your daughter feels better as well!

Your writing about your experience of rejection really helps those of us who suffer with it as well :)

nathan said...

Kelli,

Hope your little girl feels better very soon. Of course, I had to comment after reading of your love of Fight Club... I don't know how much higher your stock can get with me, but it keeps climbing... Palahniuk does some wonderful work. Did you read "Invisible Monsters?"

Martha Silano said...

Hi Kelli,

Glad to know your girl is on the mend!

I've never seen/read Fight Club, but I have to now! It sounds awesome just from the few lines you quoted.

I've also been enjoying/savoring your posts about finalist status and whether or not to revise a strong mss. that's made it past the big slush puddle a few times. I found myself nodding my head with just about everything you said--esp about the vision having to yours, not someone in your writing group or class. Also, how in the end, it's the freaking arrangement, not whether the poems individually are any good or not. I also liked what you said about having an answer re: any and all questions about your book. It's so true!!

Thanks for being so candid about your journey to victory. I can't wait to own/hold/read/re-read your book!

Writer Bug said...

I actually get pretty mad at people for trying so hard to make everything look perfect. If one person in a relationship risks letting some of the dirty laundry air, then usually the other person will too. If the other person doesn't and acts like we're all still in high school, well, then you don't need her in your life! It's impossible to have real relationships if you're pretending...

Kells said...

January-- Thanks! Yes, those Fight Club lines are inspiring! I would love to get a poem from something from F.C. one day. And I'm glad my publishing posts were helpful.

Jesse-- Thank you! I'm happy to help. I think we all suffer with rejection, at least sometimes!

Nathan, I haven't read that one, I'll have to check it out. Thanks!

Thanks, Marty! You've been such a support (and inspiration) to me with your own dedication to poetry and your mss.

WB-- Yes, exactly. I get really annoyed when someone pretends to have a perfect life because I think it undermines a friendship.
No one wants to feel as if they are alone in their struggles. It's strangely nice to hear from someone that yes, their kids can be terrible at times, and yes, sometimes money issues arise or arguments, because there's comfort in not feeling alone.

Anyway, yes, I feel the same way.

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