Tuesday, September 20, 2011
It's been one week of finishing projects since I last wrote. It feels so good to finish something, to make a check and mark it off your list. Ahhh...
But now it's time to confess all the things I'm thinking about and yes, possible small sins, but mostly, just the details of my life I don't usually talk about or maybe things I noticed this week...
To the confessional--
I confess I've really felt stretched in the money department.
After the $eptic $ystem fix, a recent splurge on kayak/surfboards (though they were a great deal!), my daughter's school and school shopping, car fixes, and just the things that make up life's every day needs, I have actually come to the place where my stomach knots if someone in my household asks for something or in fact, just typing this right now is making my left eye hurt.
I know it will get better and that sometimes we are in these places of tight spots, but I don't like the person this worry/fretting makes me.
I try to feel grateful about how much we have (we work hard and play hard), but sometimes I'd like to be in a place where I can just buy something without having to budget for it or even question if I can afford it. We've been discussing next year's vacation and we are definitely going to need to cut back (or make more) if we want to go to the places my family has been suggesting. I used the term "staycation" in the conversation and no one was impressed with that suggestion.
I confess saying that I want to buy what I want when I want it without thinking about it sounds a little selfish and I know as a friend once told me, "having to be creative with money makes one a more creative person," but I don't think you have to be poor to be an artist and well, I think it would be kind of cool buy a pair of Uggs for winter without having to worry about the price tag. Oprah, if you're reading this, I take a size 9. Thanks.
I confess that last confession makes me feel a little shallow for coveting Uggs. Though I know there is at least one poet reading this who has a pair and her feet are toasty warm!
I confess the most overused term in these hard economic times is "these hard economic times."
I confess to feel better about money, I think about art and artists and poetry and writing. I am currently working on manuscript three and it's while it's currently terrible and a big mess it's my mess and I'm excited about it. And yes, I'm working on it.
Mostly, I have a lot of poems thrown into a file and I'm calling it a manuscript. I should be calling it Messy Bessy or These-Papers-are-Overwhelming-Me because that's really what it does when I work on it.
I would rather be overwhelmed by my poems than by money. And actually, I'd rather not be overwhelmed, but will choose poetry over anything to be overwhelmed by if given the choice.
When I feel overwhelmed, I always turn to gratitude. There's going to be a lot of gratitude this week. And for me to be thankful for all I do have. And I have a lot.