Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Confession Tuesday- The Superwoman Edition

Trying for Supergirl



Dear Reader,

It's been one week of Spring Break, Waiting for Superman (the documentary), an incredible reading in Redmond, WA for RASP (Redmond Association for Spoken Word), dinner with Jeannine & her husband, a Young Writer's Conference, a doctor's appointment and well, let me confess, I am so thankful that April is less busy than March!


To the confessional--

I confess Waiting for Superman is currently my favorite movie this year.  It's about America's public school/education system.  This movie will be with me for a long time, and I like movies like that.

~

I confess, speaking of education, I may be taking on a few more editing/manuscript consulting/critiquing/mentoring jobs next fall for what I am calling my "Fund-a-Future-Poet" project (aka my daughter).

Let me just say, I will be needing to make a little bit more than I do to help her with her dreams, so I will be working with more writers this fall.  If you're interested, let me know and I'll add you to my calendar.  I'm still limiting it to a small group so I don't overstretch myself and also maintain time for my own writing, but still more than normal.


~

I confess when I read Bernadette Geyer's comment that her pet peeve is when her friends say they don't have time to write and she can see them posting on Facebook, I thought, "That is my pet peeve too!"

It's also my pet peeve for myself.  If I'm wasting time in Facebookland instead of writing. This is why I came up with Facebook Fridays for myself.  Though I confess, I have been terrible at this for the last couple weeks and especially since I made my new page.  Had I given this up for Lent, there might be a lightning bolt with my name on it.

~

I confess I visited the dermatologist to ask about the small bald spot on my head and yes, it's alopecia areata, and caused by stress.  I said, "But I've just been busy & happy, not stressed."  She said, "Even good stress is stress."

I think that is my life lesson this year.

I confess I am not someone who *likes* to busy.  I am most happy sitting on my deck with a glass of lemon-lime selzer water, some homemade granola, sunshine, a few birds, and a book.  I am most happiest sitting at the beach.  I am most happiest doing a jigsaw puzzle with my family.  I am most happiest writing. I am most happiest with unplanned days ahead of me.

I do not get a kick out of being busy for the sake of being busy and I do not think it makes me more important, more successful, more interesting, more more more.

To be quite honest, I like to do nothing.  I like hammocks and reading. I like vacations where I'm not required to do physical activity except walk and look at artwork, walk and have a meal, sit and watch people.

So I'm not surprised my body flipped out when it saw I had 3 reading (and one in Canada) scheduled in row.  It probably thought, WTF?  She never does this?  Where's our hammock gal?

~

I confess I need these reminders to slow me down.  Health (emotional & physical) is so important to me.  I've had a few weird health scares over the years.  I'm not Superwoman, but sometimes I try to play her in real life.  And well, it seems that never works out so well.

~

I confess at the RASP reading in Redmond, someone asked me about being a mother/wife/writer/editor and how I do it.  I gave my answer about making sure I take time for myself and she said, "So, you balance it all."  And I said, "Wait, I didn't say that!"  There was laughter.  I think because we all recognize, even the people who look like they have it together, don't.

I confess, I want people to know the whole story, not just a false persona of what might look like a perfect life.

I think I do my best to *balance* my life then look to see that I've completely forgotten to water the houseplant and it's dead.  Or realize, "I haven't been in my writing studio for over a month."  Or "I haven't written a poem."  Or "I haven't watched a sunset."  Or "I haven't given thanks." Or "I haven't had dinner home in days."  Or "I haven't talked to my mom in weeks."

And then I rebalance.

I confess, some of the best advice I've ever received came from a good friend/mentor who know longer on this earth with us told me once:  "Kelli, humans hardly ever have their lives in balance, but when you feel overwhelmed, tired, or angry, these are signals to look at your life and reprioritize.  You will do this for the rest of your life and it's okay."

So I do.  And have.

If I've been too busy, I downsize events.  If life's been too hectic, I checkout and into my safe space of home.  If I feel disconnected from the world, I go to museum, read (or listen) to books, take a hike or go mountain biking.

It's a dance.  When I feel my life dancing me over a cliff of I-said-yes-to-that!?, I waltz it back to the sofa.  If it salsas me into a busy calendar, I tango it passionately back to my writing.

I know, it's never perfect.  But it's livable, doable, and good enough, baby. I'm not trying to be Superwoman, but maybe Supergirl.  Or maybe Goodenoughwoman, she may be my superhero of choice.


Amen.


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6 comments:

Kathleen said...

Wise. Sighing for you.... Wishing you balance and less stress. And plenty of poetry and joy.

Supervillainess said...

Great post, Kelli. You have reminded me once again not to stress out too much over poetry!

Joannie said...

Kelli, I'm so glad to know someone else who likes to do nothing (except reading and writing--I always like to do that). I tend to explain it by saying that I need a lot of time to stare at the dust motes, although staring at water is good, too.

Kristin said...

I love the idea that we never achieve balance, at least not for long, and that we always need to recalibrate. I'd been feeling like a failure every time I had to recalibrate. Now I'll think of it as changing the dance tempo!

Thanks for this post.

Lisa Medley said...

So here I was feeling all sorry for myself and bummed out because I had planned to blog every day for a year and TODAY I decided to can it all and quit. It's too hard. I am not Superwoman after all it turns out which is in itself very disappointing.

As I was searching Google for a pic for my post, I chose your pic to poach. Wow, that's a lot of alliteration right there. Then I got sucked into your blog.

I'm book marking it. Your post voiced many of the same things I struggle with. Balance. Pish. Doesn't exist.

I cried Uncle and I'm hitting reset. That's as close to balance as I'll ever be. Keep up the good work :) And thanks!

Kells said...

Thank you, Lisa! Your note made my evening. You are right--balance doesn't exist! We're heavy in one area one day, heavy in another the next. We tweak, we dance, we survive.

Anyway, thanks for leaving me a note. Truly appreciated!

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