Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Confession Tuesday



Forgive me, it's been one week until my last confession.

I confess that anxiety has gotten the better of me lately.  Maybe it's the moon, maybe it's skipping my vitamins, I do not know, but since Friday I have not felt like myself.  Well, I've felt like myself but myself with tasmanian devil mind, spinning, spinning.

I have felt unsettled.

A few people have asked me about it.

When I tell them that part of it might have been from proofing my book, they don't understand.  A friend today said, "But you finished your last proof, why would that cause you anxiety?"

I wish I could say.

I hate feeling anxious when I'm not sure what it's tied to.

I hate feeling as if my thoughts and reality are not shaking hands, but running in separate directions.

I confess a part of me wonders if I'm feeling anxious because I haven't been writing.  Not writing can make my cranky and crazy.

Today I was thinking of the word, "Inspired" which means, "in spirit."  When I do not write, I feel as if that part of me is disconnected.

Moonstruck:  lunatic: insane and believed to be affected by the phases of the moon

I think the moon is telling me to let go a little bit.

I think my mind is telling me to hang up the collect-call to my self.

I think nature is saying through the mourning doves, it will be okay.

Note:  
July's full moon occurs with the moon in the constellation Capricornus, the Sea Goat. 


This Sea Goat girl is wondering if that's why I'm all eclipsed out.  Moonstruck.  And hoping this will pass soon.


Amen.


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6 comments:

eyecontact said...

..."hate feeling as if my thoughts and reality are not shaking hands, but running in separate directions".
Such a great phrase. I was moved to write a comforting note because you shared openly about this passing agitation. Love the lyrical way you connect to the Moon. The Moon was actually full in Aquarius opposing Leo Sun. But most Capricorn Sun folks have some planets in Aquarius, and that could have jarred your anxiety. Pluto (now in Capricorn) is configured now with a rather hefty dissonance from several other planets. Capricorns are renovating themselves!
I, too, hope the jangling inner pulses will settle soon. Take care.

Tammy said...

I know exactly how you feel. I actually have anxiety disorder., When it hits it is awful. I try to find something to take my mind off of it and usually it is the combination of music and art in my studio.
So if I may, I would suggest you write. It brings you joy and peace. Maybe just an outline for a new book. Maybe some poetry, or maybe just get out and visit some favorite places, or one of my favorites, retail therapy. Take on a project that makes you happy like gardening, that always brings me joy. Good luck. I know this too shall pass. Keep your head up.
Hugs,
Tammy

shawnte said...

Reminds me of the quote "why do we write?
Because it is easier than not writing."

But I can't remember where that came from...

Jessie Carty said...

I also get anxious when I'm not writing. I confess my new anxiety is worrying about all the little administrative bits of adjunct teaching. I keep asking myself I want to do this why?

Anonymous said...

Shawnte, I think you might be thinking of a quotation by Gloria Anzaldua--in her essay "Letter to Third-World Women Writers," when she lists the reasons she writes.... Nancy P.

Kells said...

Thank you all for leaving me a note. It was really nice to write that and not have it greeted by crickets chirping, the sound of silence. I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

All best,
~Kells

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