Monday, March 30, 2009

Confession Tuesday....early edition





Dear Readers, I confess I haven't been sleeping well. I've been waking from 2-5 and rolled around in bed until I finally wake up, go downstairs, read an article about something I really don't need to know about or respond to an email, then go back to bed. The problem with insomnia is that your fear of getting insomnia makes it worse. I had just managed to sleep through a night when it came on last night again.

There's been a lot of sadness with my insomnia, like waking up in the middle of a sad dream I can't remember, but feeling that melancholy feeling, near tears and later, tears.

I am not sure what is bringing this on. Maybe just a feeling of being tired. And just a general disappointment.

I know there was sadness that our exchange student went home today. We miss her. It's amazing how you can rearrange a routine to completely add in another person. All the exchange students were crying on the way to the airport, no one was ready to return home to Japan. We are hopeful our student will return this summer with her father to visit. I am thankful for email too.

In happier news, today is my mum's 75th birthday. She looks amazing, acts amazing, and has an amazing attitude about life. I could learn from her. Happy Birthday, Mum!

I could learn a lot from her especially in this last day where I have felt so sad though not sure why, not sure what is causing this though a part of me says the gray gray sky. How Seattle-people, do we live like this everywhere fall/winter...this winter was harder? Even now this spring, it feels like fall with the crows and darkness. Like someone planted daffodils before Halloween.

I confess this is probably my worst confession to date. I confess I might feel a little better getting this all out.

I do plan to write a poem a day in April, though right now it seems like a bad idea... This is what sadness does to me. I become the statue (and not the one with the Spongebob hat), but the dull looking one without action.

BTW, this confession may go poof or be edited... just one of those daze.

10 comments:

jeannine said...

Oh, I think the statue is a she, and she's sleeping :) Wishing you good sleep tonight, and warmer weather in April...

...deb said...

Sharing dreary cold wet days and insomniac nights, from Portland.

Spring will come.

Pearl said...

longer days should help. I tend to toddle to computer myself with insomnia. better to go for a walk but that's iffy in my neighbourhood in wee hours.

at least if your body is taking care of whatever sadness there is and leaving you out of the loop, there's less for mind to do.

January said...

I have been concerned this year that writing a poem a day may not be a good idea--too much going on. My I have hope that it will pull me out of the doldrums and into spring. And that is my wish for you.

Who knows, maybe this is just what you need to shift your patters.

Spring in New England means rain, rain, rain until June. Ugh. I feel your pain.

Maya Ganesan said...

Don't worry if it's not a "good confession." It matters that you've gotten it all out.

And I know the sadness. It seems like everything's going wrong, and I've had too many nightmares to count -- I'll wake up, afraid, and I'll stay in a state of insecurity the whole day.

On a much happier note, happy birthday to your mother! Hope she has a fantastic seventy-fifth!

Lyle Daggett said...

When I was younger, I periodically had insomnia, I think from a general restlessness about life. Though haven't for a long time, for decades.

I may try the poem-a-day thing this month. Tried it last year, didn't quite manage a poem a day, and a lot of what I did write was more like short fragments or images, but felt worthwhile attempting.

I find that one of the things I need to do in order to write is to get myself to the silence that comes before words. It seems to me possibly that's what is needed in order to sleep also.

Word verification is "sapleted," which must mean something.

Michael said...

Just thinking good thoughts for you.

Have a better night's sleep tonight!

Collin Kelley said...

Sometimes a bad or melancholy dream can put me in a funk for days. I feel your pain on that. Wishing you peaceful sleep and dreams.

Kells said...

Thanks everyone!

I have one night down, if I can make it a few more I think I'll be able to break the cycle. I appreciate your words and thoughts.

Here's hoping for a good night's rest without sadness.

thank you again,
kel

jill said...

it must be contagious. i feel it here in upstate ny! i keep searching and searching for something to make it go away...tattoos? piercings? potato chips? i have no answers!

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